Tuesday, 4 March 2014

Unofficial Guide: How To Be A Man.


Last year, a Twitter account (@GSElevator) published a popular article titled “Unofficial Goldman Sachs guide to being a man.”

Since then we’ve been itching to provide you with a Nigerian version. Here is the Nigerian version of Goldman Sachs guide to being a man, we hope you enjoy.

No one care if you graduated with a second class upper. The world is only interested in what you can deliver

Never look back and regret anything in your life, all of your experiences make up who you are today, if something were different, you might not
like who are anymore.

Always carry cash. A lot of extra cash

Get a suit. It does not matter if you look good dressing like Phyno or Wizkid.

Your father’s money is not your money.

Never stare at another man’s junk at the bathroom

If she exposes her body, then it’s okay to look, don’t stare.

It’s always cheaper to bribe a policeman. And make sure you let him know it’s a privilege not his right.

Approach everything you do in life honestly and with class, integrity and tact and you will always remain swell.

You do not have to be comfortable in a public transport. It’s not your parlor for crying out lout

People will notice if you use cheap perfume.

Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row… Unless something really good comes up on the third night.

Do not get a fake accent. Trust us.

Never date an ex of your friend.

Whenever you are unsure of what to wear, just remember “You can be underdressed, but you can never be overdressed”

Buy a newspaper every once in a while.

Open the door for ladies. Where are your manners?

Facebook is for networking, not your own reality Web series.

Always have an active internet subscription.

Do not argue with the cashier, always ask for the Manager.

Get a signature scent.

If you live in Borno, Adamawa or Yobe, then you have a death wish.

When people don’t invite you to a party, you really shouldn’t go. And sometimes even when you are invited, you shouldn’t go.

If you want a girlfriend, the internet is the last place to look.

People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy.

When in doubt, always kiss the girl.

Always give a tip for services rendered. It will make your life easier.

You probably use your cell phone too often and at the wrong moments.

Life is too short to cry over spilt milk.

You are not allowed to date a co-worker. You do not poo where you eat.

Life is short for you to argue about religion, sport or politics; you have nothing to gain, except enemies.

Make sure you savings can last up to three months if you lose your job.

Do 50 push-ups, sit-ups, and dips before you shower each morning.

Act like you’ve been there before. It doesn’t matter if it’s Aso Rock or on a private plane.

Do not hang out with criminals; the Nigeria police will not know the difference.

Get your own damn clipper.

Never be friends with a girl you have feelings for. Except you love pain, in which case, you should see a therapist.

Learn how to play a musical instrument.

If you do not have time to read a book, at least read an article online.

Selfies are for narcissist. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of friends.

You should be able to beat up three men who are your size.

Always wear a deodorant, it doesn’t matter if you need one or not.

Learn how to change a baby’s diaper.

There’s always another level. Just be content knowing that you are still better off than most who have ever lived.

It’s better to watch a paint dry than do watch a Nollywood movie.

You can get away with a lot more if you’re the one buying the drinks.

Changing any lady’s mind should be a cake walk.

Don’t split a check.

Whenever you are in doubt, ask Google.

Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them.

Do not break your words for anything, anything.

You should knot your own tie.

Be spontaneous.

You have to be a man, before you can become a gentleman

Do not let anybody insult your mother and get away with it. Including a soldier.

Tuesday, 25 February 2014

WhatsApp Is Set To Introduce Free Calls by April.

WhatsApp Inc., the mobile messaging service that agreed to be acquired last week by Facebook Inc. for $19 billion, said Monday that it would offer voice calling as early as April, allowing free phone calls among WhatsApp's 465 million users. Jan Koum, the co-founder and chief executive of WhatsApp, also said during a speech at Mobile World Congress in Barcelona that he is hoping to grow the service to one or two billion users. Mr. Koum said that the WhatsApp voice product would "focus on simplicity" as it has with its text-based messaging service. He said that WhatsApp would first release a version of the voice service for Apple Inc.'s
iPhone and Google Inc.'s Android platforms,
followed by services for Microsoft Corp.'s Windows Phone, as well as some phones by BlackBerry Ltd. and Nokia Corp.

"We want to continue to have that minimalistic approach to the product," he said. "We at WhatsApp want to get out of the way and let people communicate." Mr. Koum added that the voice product would "use the least amount of bandwidth, and we optimize the hell out of it."
Speaking about the Facebook acquisition announcement earlier this month, Mr. Koum said that the product wouldn't change, stressing that WhatsApp would remain independent. He cited Instagram's example, after the acquisition of the photo-sharing service by Facebook.

Mr. Koum said that WhatsApp was likely valuable to Facebook because "we both want to make the world more connected," though Mr. Koum stressed that WhatsApp wanted to know "as little as possible" about its users, including details such as a user's name. "There are no plans to change anything that we do with the product today," he said, using words like "minimalistic," "utilitarian" and "uncluttered" to describe his philosophy.

Source; http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB

Saturday, 22 February 2014

Sanusi Lamido Should Be Charged For Murder; Femi Fani Kayode


Seems like the last has yet to be seen or heard of the estranged former governor of the CBN, Sanusi Lamido Sanusi. This is what FFK wrote on a photo link of sanusi, the CBN governor on his facebook page, .What role did Sanusi Lamido Sanusi have to play in the public beheading of Akaluka, the igbo man in Kano who was accused of ''desecrating the koran''?
Why was Sanusi locked up in a Sokoto prison for his alleged role in the incident and why , was he not brought to justice for being amongst those that incited the crowd to behead Akaluka? Where is the report and why has it been supressed? Who were the others that incited the crowd that were summarily executed for doing so by the government of the day and why was Sanusi spared?

The above are very serious questions that need to be answered and if it is true that Lamido was in any way involved he should not only be removed from the Central Bank immediately but he must also be charged with murder. It is left to the Nigerian people to either demand answers to these questions or just let this whole thing slip away. One thing that I know is that it appears that Akaluka's blood and his headless body is now speaking from the grave and haunting his murderers.

Friday, 21 February 2014

BEYOND AGENCY AND AGREEMENT FEES: A LOOK INTO THE NIGERIA HOUSING SCHEME.


The housing system in Nigeria is a funny one. Believe me, it is. I don’t even know where to start from, but the basic look in is on how screwed the general system is. Things go about the way and manner that pleases them, and they just happen. In most cases, nobody cares. Blame the government is the easy way out. After all, the government has failed the people and may continually do so. Pathetic!

In a way, the Nigerian system promotes corruption and dirty ills. The system makes the people go to the extreme. The system permeates poverty, and unhealthy standards. The system stinks. In fact it reels of filth. What more? The system is you and I, and we are what make the system what it is. Shame!

Thursday, 13 February 2014

Today's Headlines:


Jonathan tells EFCC, ICPC to flaunt achievements http://www.ipaidabribenaija.com/index.php/news/item/81992

Boko Haram razes Borno village, kills 39 http://www.ipaidabribenaija.com/index.php/news/item/81990

Update: Maku names, give reasons for replacement of sacked ministers http://www.ipaidabribenaija.com/index.php/news/item/81985

JAMB sensitises students on E-Testing http://www.ipaidabribenaija.com/index.php/news/item/81996

PDP denies dollar inducement claim by APC http://www.ipaidabribenaija.com/index.php/politics/item/81998

Reps to investigate NIS arrest of 400 Northerners in Yenegoa http://www.ipaidabribenaija.com/index.php/news/item/81999

Money laundering: Prosecute ex-Army chief, Bamaiyi, Fred Ajudua tells EFCC http://www.ipaidabribenaija.com/index.php/news/efcc/item/81984

NNPC, PPMC makes concerted effort to provide improved petroleum products, stable price regime http://www.ipaidabribenaija.com/index.php/news/nnpc/item/81910

National Assembly commends PPPRA for saving N409b subsidy claims in 2012 http://www.ipaidabribenaija.com/index.php/news/nnpc/item/81648

Sanusi Lamido's constant flip flop on kerosene subsidy http://www.ipaidabribenaija.com/index.php/news/item/81961

Update: Boston bombing suspect trial set for November http://www.ipaidabribenaija.com/index.php/america-news/item/82000

Thursday's Love and Sex: Even without money, you can still have a wonderful experience on Valentine's Day http://www.ipaidabribenaija.com/index.php/entertainment/item/82003

Iyanya's manager insists Iyanya did not lie about the Lenovo deal http://www.ipaidabribenaija.com/index.php/entertainment/item/81976

Manchester United held Arsenal to a goalless draws http://www.ipaidabribenaija.com/index.php/sport/more-in-sport/english-premier-league/item/82001

"Faith makes all things possible... love makes all things easy." - Dwight L. Moody

Good morning.

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